your recovery is down to one person and one person only.... you!
44 seconds ago
INSTAGRAM! You fuck with my head! With you, my values become skewed, my self-worth is whacked, and I lose my tether on what's real. •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
A story: I have an acquaintanceship with a mentor who is well-known in the public field and whose opinion I greatly value. •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I included her on my email announcing the opening of Flow and she very quickly and kindly wrote me a warm, supportive, and personal response. I mean, wow! So nice of her! How long did that good feeling last? Under 30 seconds, for sure. Because I was already grabbing my phone to see if she also followed me on Instagram. She didn't. •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
She knows me, supports me, encourages me - why the hell do I care so much if she follows me on Instagram? THAT'S not the real sign of affection - the genuine interest she has continuously shown in me is what's real. And, yet ... I fixate on that lack of follow. •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What would it mean if she did follow me? That she publicly validates me? That I'm cool? Is that what's important to me? •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Here I go again: Falling into the external validation trap. I bet you guys can relate. How easily we hand over the reins of our own self-worth to these arbitrary key holders. And we take personally what most likely has nothing to do with us. She probably doesn't even manage her own social media. •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Again & again, I have to catch these moments and actively seek out the positive feelings. She wrote me! She sees me! My eyes well, my chest smiles, I breathe deeper. For me, THIS is what's important and THIS is what's real. •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
How about you? Tips on navigating the social media maze? What comes up for you?
Art by: @blancamiroskoudy
Part 4 of my story #ptsd#sexualabuse you are now on your 4th year with this guy. Accepting the rape and complying to his every need and accepting the insults has become normal to you. Your on medication for depression and you work three jobs and have no one. You only spend time with him and never do anything alone. Your on antibiotics constantly for water infections and in pain every night from the rough sex that your physically not ready for. This is when I learnt how the subconscious can save you. I fount myself applying for jobs that weren’t near where he lived so that I could spend more time at home, you started to make friends again so that you could get love and human contact elsewhere, you start to buy yourself things to make your self happy. At this point you are suspected to have bpd and are medicated so you can be stable. It comes to a day and your at home. You break the silence knowing that once you tell someone the truth, you can’t go back to him. I told my brother small amounts. I knew the only way I could leave and not be emotionally manipulated was to hurt him in a way that made it clear I did not want or need anything from him. I told him I wasn’t attracted to him and that I loved someone else. Of corse I am the bad guy now but the truth is it saved me to be the bad guy. I blocked him from everything so that he couldn’t contact me and brainwash me back. I now find I can’t go to certain areas of my town because of fear and I couldn’t accept what had happend. I came off my medication because I thought I was free. The truth is the horror had only just started. The abuse stopped but the trauma and aftermath had only just started. This brings me to part 5 of my story. #leavehim#domesticabuse#assault#trauma#mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#posttraumaticstressdisorder#bpd#depression
50 seconds ago
More snow again here and a broken boiler so we had a very chilly night but all fixed today thank god...iv been thinking a lot this week about baby no.2 and just take. A moment today to pull myself back from wallowing. I do have an amazing daughter and wife and I am truly grateful for that and sometimes I need to consciously remind myself of that because I think we can all get too lost in self pity sometimes. I read an amazing blog by @mrsconstancehall that made me realise sometimes we just have to go do it by ourselves. Yes it would be amazing to have parents who could help out financially or with childcare or get left a sum of money to help buy our first home but that’s not going to happen. And usually that is ok with us just occasionally I get lost in thinking “if only” and that’s happened this week. I’m a great believer in things happen for a reason and I do believe that these challenges wouldn’t get thrown our way if we couldn’t handle them. So iv had to do a bit of chin up get on with it this week. Exercise has been really helping with anxiety and feeling low I have been using calms tablets to help me sleep which is a first this year but also trying to read a lot more before bed as lots of people recommend it to help drift off. I met a man today who lost his wife shortly after she gave birth to their second child life has been firmly put in perspective for me I salute him for having the strength to even leave the house. So this is me chin up dusting off my knees and getting back on with it. #anxiety#mumlife#depression#lifeafterloss#fertilitystruggles#samesexparents#twomumfamily#anxietystruggles#fertilityjourney#wecandothis#strongertogether#autismmum