Took Andre to the cinema for the first time today..started off really well till he finished his sweets and kept shouting 'I want to go home now!' Didn't make it to the end of the film but oh well..it was an experience #neveragain#cinema#picknmix#toddler#whatwerewethinking
The anxiety starts.
And I wrap my arms around myself…
trying to breathe…
trying to infringe on the thoughts creep into my heads.
By demons know all the secret passage ways.
I bite my lips in attempt to make all the internal pain go away.
In an attempt to keep my thoughts at bay
and when I bite so
hard that I open a wound the blood tastes like cyanide.... but it also tastes like learned bad habits
and poisonous words thrown at me from endless angles.
Like grow a tougher skin grow a harder shell.
Do not break do not shatter so not show weakness.
Do not stutter when you speak.
Like endless lies. They are their truths not mine.
the blood tastes just as bad as the demons feel
so I stopped hurting myself.
I stop biting my nails
because the chipped nail polish
reminded me of the all the chips I have missing in my soul:
from all the times I let people tear me open and invade me insides
and then stitch me up.
I will never let this happen again.
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